Dr. Sue Johnson is one of the leading couple therapists in the world. She wrote the book 'Hold me Tight', in which she explains the 3 different types of 'demon dialogues' that couples can use when trying to communicate or reach each other: find the bad guy, freeze and flee, and the protest polka.
Since I read about these 3 types of dialogues, I can never look at a relationship differently anymore. They are quite easy to recognize, and once we do recognize them: we can tackle them and fight them together, as a couple!
Read more about this at http://www.holdmetight.com/hold_me_tight.php